Saturday, February 18, 2006
Curses Foiled again
Curses, Foiled Again
Before this essay, THANK YOU to everybody for spoiling me ROTTEN on my birthday. I'm 36 now, but frankly, I don't look or feel any older. It must be all that immaturity seeing me through again. Lucky for me, my friends and family are so great that growing older is something I actually look forward to because everyone around me makes life fun.
My New Year's resolution was simple--cut back on cursing. I don't know how I managed to find cursing so automatic that it somehow managed to creep into far too many conversations for my liking, but it bugs me that I not only can add to Carlin's "list of swear words" without trying, but that I even know all the curse words in no less than six other languages that I find myself use automatically whenever someone I should not curse in front of (children, authorities, etc) is around and I feel the need to invoke the nasties through speech. I speak gutter very fluently, folks--which is strange because I have letters after my name and I'm more educated and the last time I checked the M. A. did not stand for motherf--ing As----e.
Why cut back on cursing? Those four letters come in handy, after all. Personally, I simply do not trust any grown human being who uses "fake" curse words and tries to sound like they mean it, either. A grown man should never use the term "darn it" with any serious tone in his voice. A woman who can actually look herself in the eye after she says "Sheesh" instead of the alternative and who still feels self-confidence is relying on far better illicit drugs than she should to remain upright. People who use euphenisms to refer to human body parts and who are trying to sound serious? They scare me, folks--once you've surpassed the age of five you've lost your right to use the term "pee pee" or any analgous words without losing all of your human dignity. If the situation truly warrants a curse word, be honest and use the word, use it well, and don't look back. We invented these words for a reason, one of which is that the tension released by speaking a "forbidden word" helps comfort the curser, helping them deal with whatever trial or tribulation has forced him or her to resort to four letter language to deal with.
Notice I said "trial or tribulation". Curse words may be many things, but they shouldn't be so commonly used that hearing them from your mouth seems like no big deal. I've known my share of people who curse so often under any situation that I have to wonder what they actually do when they get mad, injured, devastated, or scared out of their wits. I once had a coworker who started listing his day to me as such: Yeah, I got up this f-ing morning and got the f-ing coffee pot and lit my f-ing cigarette and blah blah blah--what happens if they have an actual emergency? What happened to this guy when his car got broadsided and he almost got flattened into an accordion by somebody else? Did he suddenly find himself violently reciting Shakespearian sonnets? Worse yet, when he finally got to a phone to call for help to a loved one, were they able to discern something bad had actually happened? Tony argues that curse words have a lot of power, but that power disapates each time you use the word. Therefore, the more often you curse, the less seriously anyone in hearing range of you takes you or your feelings. Tony's an admirable guy--the only times I have heard him curse was when it was completely justified. In fact, the only times anyone has heard him curse has shocked them so much that suddenly everyone in the room goes silent, turns to him, and finds themselves asking, "are you all right?"
Sigh--I'd like to be more like Tony and actually use the vast vocabulary at my disposal instead of cursing because it is there. It just bothers me how easy it is to get lazy and curse when you don't mean to. Besides, curse words aren't real specific about the type of difficulty you're dealing with. Curse words just universally convey "bad". If someone around me is being needlessly cruel to a kid, I'd just assume not have to rely on the b word that rhymes with stitch. Wouldn't it be more eloquent of me to go ahead and explain their rotten behavior in terms that not only describes the situation exactly but which I can say directly in front of the kid involved without having to slip automatically in gutter Italian?
I'm really trying hard to not curse, so of course I'm finding myself failing more often than succeeding in improving my diction. Here is your weekly lesson of a principle in Social Psychology: trying to suppress an idea, word, or action is doomed to fail. Why? Because in order to avoid whatever it is you're trying not to think about, you must first have your mind remember what it is you're trying to not do. This means that every time you do whatever it is you're afraid of slipping up with (by cursing, for example), your mind automatically comes up with every curse word it can list just so you can avoid saying the terms. If you make the mistake of automatically speaking your mind, well--
Maybe I should just give up on this resoloution. F** it, right? And OOOXX!!!!@! for good measure.
Before this essay, THANK YOU to everybody for spoiling me ROTTEN on my birthday. I'm 36 now, but frankly, I don't look or feel any older. It must be all that immaturity seeing me through again. Lucky for me, my friends and family are so great that growing older is something I actually look forward to because everyone around me makes life fun.
My New Year's resolution was simple--cut back on cursing. I don't know how I managed to find cursing so automatic that it somehow managed to creep into far too many conversations for my liking, but it bugs me that I not only can add to Carlin's "list of swear words" without trying, but that I even know all the curse words in no less than six other languages that I find myself use automatically whenever someone I should not curse in front of (children, authorities, etc) is around and I feel the need to invoke the nasties through speech. I speak gutter very fluently, folks--which is strange because I have letters after my name and I'm more educated and the last time I checked the M. A. did not stand for motherf--ing As----e.
Why cut back on cursing? Those four letters come in handy, after all. Personally, I simply do not trust any grown human being who uses "fake" curse words and tries to sound like they mean it, either. A grown man should never use the term "darn it" with any serious tone in his voice. A woman who can actually look herself in the eye after she says "Sheesh" instead of the alternative and who still feels self-confidence is relying on far better illicit drugs than she should to remain upright. People who use euphenisms to refer to human body parts and who are trying to sound serious? They scare me, folks--once you've surpassed the age of five you've lost your right to use the term "pee pee" or any analgous words without losing all of your human dignity. If the situation truly warrants a curse word, be honest and use the word, use it well, and don't look back. We invented these words for a reason, one of which is that the tension released by speaking a "forbidden word" helps comfort the curser, helping them deal with whatever trial or tribulation has forced him or her to resort to four letter language to deal with.
Notice I said "trial or tribulation". Curse words may be many things, but they shouldn't be so commonly used that hearing them from your mouth seems like no big deal. I've known my share of people who curse so often under any situation that I have to wonder what they actually do when they get mad, injured, devastated, or scared out of their wits. I once had a coworker who started listing his day to me as such: Yeah, I got up this f-ing morning and got the f-ing coffee pot and lit my f-ing cigarette and blah blah blah--what happens if they have an actual emergency? What happened to this guy when his car got broadsided and he almost got flattened into an accordion by somebody else? Did he suddenly find himself violently reciting Shakespearian sonnets? Worse yet, when he finally got to a phone to call for help to a loved one, were they able to discern something bad had actually happened? Tony argues that curse words have a lot of power, but that power disapates each time you use the word. Therefore, the more often you curse, the less seriously anyone in hearing range of you takes you or your feelings. Tony's an admirable guy--the only times I have heard him curse was when it was completely justified. In fact, the only times anyone has heard him curse has shocked them so much that suddenly everyone in the room goes silent, turns to him, and finds themselves asking, "are you all right?"
Sigh--I'd like to be more like Tony and actually use the vast vocabulary at my disposal instead of cursing because it is there. It just bothers me how easy it is to get lazy and curse when you don't mean to. Besides, curse words aren't real specific about the type of difficulty you're dealing with. Curse words just universally convey "bad". If someone around me is being needlessly cruel to a kid, I'd just assume not have to rely on the b word that rhymes with stitch. Wouldn't it be more eloquent of me to go ahead and explain their rotten behavior in terms that not only describes the situation exactly but which I can say directly in front of the kid involved without having to slip automatically in gutter Italian?
I'm really trying hard to not curse, so of course I'm finding myself failing more often than succeeding in improving my diction. Here is your weekly lesson of a principle in Social Psychology: trying to suppress an idea, word, or action is doomed to fail. Why? Because in order to avoid whatever it is you're trying not to think about, you must first have your mind remember what it is you're trying to not do. This means that every time you do whatever it is you're afraid of slipping up with (by cursing, for example), your mind automatically comes up with every curse word it can list just so you can avoid saying the terms. If you make the mistake of automatically speaking your mind, well--
Maybe I should just give up on this resoloution. F** it, right? And OOOXX!!!!@! for good measure.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
It's the HIPPO song!
Hippo Birdie Two Ewes
Hippo Birdie Two Ewes
Hippo Birdie Deer Lynx
Hippo Birdie Two Ewes!
Have a fun time, lady! Rock out!
