Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Creative Lying: A lost Art? The Dande-Lying Contest!
I never thought I'd see the day when I had to rue the lost art of lying well. However, one look at the Personal ads Starfish was wading through, and I felt the need to lament. Hell, our own president can't lie worth a damn, and when our leaders can't lie convincingly, what does this mean for the rest of us? As an American citizen, I am concerned.
Poor lying ability is most obvious when glancing at personal ads. I can't even claim regional problems, as conversations with single friends in Atlanta, Chicago, Washington DC, and Cleveland revealed similar sentiments after viewing these pathetic things. At least the Buddhists can claim that since the self doesn't exist it doesn't matter what you say about it. Since most of the ads I read claimed Christianity as the religious sect, what is the excuse?
When did negative self-disclosure suddenly become seen as a "sexy quality" for a personal ad, anyway? I mean, do you really want random strangers to know that at age thirty-three you still wear Underoos (TM)? Is it really time to disclose that you find everything about feminity something contemptable when searching for a woman to perform the horizontal bop with?
Why not simply be trite and save time by not wasting words--I mean, "Wanna Whomp" is a classic pick up line that I personally have never had refused. Hell, the simple LOUD statement of "It's so long since I've had sex that I forgot who ties down the chicken" stated in a bar whilst quaffing a black-and-tan (remember, a long time is relative--a mere twenty-four hours is an entire LIFETIME for a tse-tse fly, hence this statement could be stated with utmost sincerity after you left your latest tryst five minutes ago if you have a proper short-lived species in mind) at least won me a pocketfull of napkins with various phone numbers, another beer, and a delicious french kiss by a long-lashed cutie named Kevin. If someone as unusual as I can enjoy such fortune, why can't the Underoos guy find at least temporary bliss? If only he knew how to lie. How will the next generation get born if we can't at least delude ourselves into believing in long-term relationships again?
It is for this reason I have to suggest a new "Dandelion Files" feature--namely, the DandeLying contest. People should send entries of accomplished liars directly to the electronic mail address for me--lynx_cat2005@yahoo.com, and I will, in turn, share them with the other Lions on our site. We will then review these entries, a vote will be taken, and the prizewinners will receive some token of a gift, if only virtual, from all of us.
I also wanted some suggestions for prize awards to be given: most likely to have dissociative disorder (ie, multiple personalities) is one which came to mind quickly after seeing one accomplished liar manage not just one unlikely entry, but seven or eight on the very same dating service. We could give awards for things such as: Best baldface liar, most malicious liar, most likely to have a wife and two children at home liar--the list goes on, but I need your imput!
US Men need help, and the Dandelions are here! As a nation, we can't simply stand for our politicians and presidents being the most obvious liars--we need good liars at home, too.
What do you think?
Poor lying ability is most obvious when glancing at personal ads. I can't even claim regional problems, as conversations with single friends in Atlanta, Chicago, Washington DC, and Cleveland revealed similar sentiments after viewing these pathetic things. At least the Buddhists can claim that since the self doesn't exist it doesn't matter what you say about it. Since most of the ads I read claimed Christianity as the religious sect, what is the excuse?
When did negative self-disclosure suddenly become seen as a "sexy quality" for a personal ad, anyway? I mean, do you really want random strangers to know that at age thirty-three you still wear Underoos (TM)? Is it really time to disclose that you find everything about feminity something contemptable when searching for a woman to perform the horizontal bop with?
Why not simply be trite and save time by not wasting words--I mean, "Wanna Whomp" is a classic pick up line that I personally have never had refused. Hell, the simple LOUD statement of "It's so long since I've had sex that I forgot who ties down the chicken" stated in a bar whilst quaffing a black-and-tan (remember, a long time is relative--a mere twenty-four hours is an entire LIFETIME for a tse-tse fly, hence this statement could be stated with utmost sincerity after you left your latest tryst five minutes ago if you have a proper short-lived species in mind) at least won me a pocketfull of napkins with various phone numbers, another beer, and a delicious french kiss by a long-lashed cutie named Kevin. If someone as unusual as I can enjoy such fortune, why can't the Underoos guy find at least temporary bliss? If only he knew how to lie. How will the next generation get born if we can't at least delude ourselves into believing in long-term relationships again?
It is for this reason I have to suggest a new "Dandelion Files" feature--namely, the DandeLying contest. People should send entries of accomplished liars directly to the electronic mail address for me--lynx_cat2005@yahoo.com, and I will, in turn, share them with the other Lions on our site. We will then review these entries, a vote will be taken, and the prizewinners will receive some token of a gift, if only virtual, from all of us.
I also wanted some suggestions for prize awards to be given: most likely to have dissociative disorder (ie, multiple personalities) is one which came to mind quickly after seeing one accomplished liar manage not just one unlikely entry, but seven or eight on the very same dating service. We could give awards for things such as: Best baldface liar, most malicious liar, most likely to have a wife and two children at home liar--the list goes on, but I need your imput!
US Men need help, and the Dandelions are here! As a nation, we can't simply stand for our politicians and presidents being the most obvious liars--we need good liars at home, too.
What do you think?
