Saturday, December 31, 2005
Belated Caroling Fun!
Yes, Christmas is over and New Year's Eve is upon us, but I had to post these song lyrics. Should be a new caroling hit!
Who Put the Stump?
( sung to the tune of Who Put the Bop )
I'd like to find the guy who done me wrong
And stuck my butt up on this Xmas tree
Who put the stump in my rump-pa-pump-pa-pump?
Who took and crammed it in my ramma-lamma-ding-dong?
Who stood the wood where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick up my hip-de-dip-de-dip?
Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this Xmas tree
When this angel heard chop-ba-ba-bop-ba-chop-ba-bop-bop
A dreadful fear went right into my heart
Those pine tree needles sting me
Ramma-jamma-ramma-jammin in my ding dong
You'll never know how much that smarts
So who put the stump in my rump-pa-pump-pa-pump?
Who took and crammed it in my ramma-lamma-ding-dong?
Who stood the wood where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick up my hip-de-dip-de-dip?
Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for mercy please
Each night when I'm alone
Scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-shoo
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow
And every time I wriggle, slipped it in-it in, slipped it in-it in,
A little further in it goes
Rump-a pump-a pump ram it in my ding dong
slipped it in-it in poopity-poopity shoop
Who Put the Stump?
( sung to the tune of Who Put the Bop )
I'd like to find the guy who done me wrong
And stuck my butt up on this Xmas tree
Who put the stump in my rump-pa-pump-pa-pump?
Who took and crammed it in my ramma-lamma-ding-dong?
Who stood the wood where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick up my hip-de-dip-de-dip?
Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this Xmas tree
When this angel heard chop-ba-ba-bop-ba-chop-ba-bop-bop
A dreadful fear went right into my heart
Those pine tree needles sting me
Ramma-jamma-ramma-jammin in my ding dong
You'll never know how much that smarts
So who put the stump in my rump-pa-pump-pa-pump?
Who took and crammed it in my ramma-lamma-ding-dong?
Who stood the wood where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick up my hip-de-dip-de-dip?
Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for mercy please
Each night when I'm alone
Scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-scratchity-shoo
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow
And every time I wriggle, slipped it in-it in, slipped it in-it in,
A little further in it goes
Rump-a pump-a pump ram it in my ding dong
slipped it in-it in poopity-poopity shoop
Friday, December 30, 2005
Holliday Quiz!
1.) You believe Santa is:
a.) A demon from Hell who actually tries to eat children and poses as someone who is kind and generous so he can get more prey
b.) A good tradition which helps you clear out that pesky bank oaccount that was too full to keep track of anyway
c.) Who's Santa?
d.) An evil conspiracy!
2.) You like to celebrate the holiday season by:
a.) Following a strange set of traditions outlined by a writer of Seinfeld in which you have a pole erected in your house and exchange grievances, at the end of which you wrestle the head of the houshold down to the floor.
b.) giving gifts, sending letters and cards, making fattening baked goods to share, giving lots of hugs and encouragement, making lots of calls to loved ones and trying to visit them as much as possible, travelling as much as you can to see friends, and generally having a really good time.
c.) Celebrate? It's a day like any other.
d.) Making sure your locks are working and in order, checking your weaponry, and sitting by your chimney in case some idiot wearing a red suit tries to break into your fortress
3.) Your idea of ideal holliday reading is:
a.) "I'm OK, you're a Dickhead" by some author whose name I cannot recall. Also, any of the Susan Forward books are fair game for reviewing! Make sure to also check out Alice Miller's work to help get your resentment brewing and check the news so you can get REALLY mad about how the government is dealing with the world around you.
b.) Anything is fair game--but Christopher Moore's The Stupidest Angel should now be considered a classic!
c.) Read? Who has time to read? Oh, if I have to I'll get something off the Bestseller list to ignore.
d.) The Anarchist's Bible by Powell
4.) Snow makes everyone around you:
a.) Curse like sailors. Damn nature and her attempts to make a pretty landscape.
b.) OK, it's pretty, but is it dangerous to drive? Is this an excuse to curl up with my hubby, make wild love, and drink spicy apple cider? Are the neighbors up for a snowfight? Cool. Besides, can't shovelling make my arms stronger?
c.) Yep, better get on the road so I can slip slide around and play bumper cars. It's imperative I leave the house RIGHT NOW so I can get more Jiffy Pop before they sell out again.
d.) A great cover to fool your enemies has just been provided! Yay!
Answers:
a.) If you answered a, you watch too much damned television for your own good. Even your perceptions of Santa have been clouded by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Enya explains the dangers of Santa in one of them). It's time to join the world again before somebody actutally starts exchanging grievances with you and you start taking Oprah and Jerry Springer too seriously for your own good. Disconnect the television and make yourself go outside so I can throw a snowball at you. It'll make your skin glow, honest.
b.) You're like me and most folk I know. Let's party!
c.) Is the word "fun" in your vocabulary? Geez. If nothing else celebrate the fact that the days are no longer getting shorter, meaning that you won't feel as depressed because you'll get more sunlight. Wanna join our neighborhood snowball fight?
d.) OK, stay in your bunker. You scare me. Seriously, don't leave your house no matter what--I've heard that the Abomnible Snowman has a contract on you.
1.) You believe Santa is:
a.) A demon from Hell who actually tries to eat children and poses as someone who is kind and generous so he can get more prey
b.) A good tradition which helps you clear out that pesky bank oaccount that was too full to keep track of anyway
c.) Who's Santa?
d.) An evil conspiracy!
2.) You like to celebrate the holiday season by:
a.) Following a strange set of traditions outlined by a writer of Seinfeld in which you have a pole erected in your house and exchange grievances, at the end of which you wrestle the head of the houshold down to the floor.
b.) giving gifts, sending letters and cards, making fattening baked goods to share, giving lots of hugs and encouragement, making lots of calls to loved ones and trying to visit them as much as possible, travelling as much as you can to see friends, and generally having a really good time.
c.) Celebrate? It's a day like any other.
d.) Making sure your locks are working and in order, checking your weaponry, and sitting by your chimney in case some idiot wearing a red suit tries to break into your fortress
3.) Your idea of ideal holliday reading is:
a.) "I'm OK, you're a Dickhead" by some author whose name I cannot recall. Also, any of the Susan Forward books are fair game for reviewing! Make sure to also check out Alice Miller's work to help get your resentment brewing and check the news so you can get REALLY mad about how the government is dealing with the world around you.
b.) Anything is fair game--but Christopher Moore's The Stupidest Angel should now be considered a classic!
c.) Read? Who has time to read? Oh, if I have to I'll get something off the Bestseller list to ignore.
d.) The Anarchist's Bible by Powell
4.) Snow makes everyone around you:
a.) Curse like sailors. Damn nature and her attempts to make a pretty landscape.
b.) OK, it's pretty, but is it dangerous to drive? Is this an excuse to curl up with my hubby, make wild love, and drink spicy apple cider? Are the neighbors up for a snowfight? Cool. Besides, can't shovelling make my arms stronger?
c.) Yep, better get on the road so I can slip slide around and play bumper cars. It's imperative I leave the house RIGHT NOW so I can get more Jiffy Pop before they sell out again.
d.) A great cover to fool your enemies has just been provided! Yay!
Answers:
a.) If you answered a, you watch too much damned television for your own good. Even your perceptions of Santa have been clouded by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Enya explains the dangers of Santa in one of them). It's time to join the world again before somebody actutally starts exchanging grievances with you and you start taking Oprah and Jerry Springer too seriously for your own good. Disconnect the television and make yourself go outside so I can throw a snowball at you. It'll make your skin glow, honest.
b.) You're like me and most folk I know. Let's party!
c.) Is the word "fun" in your vocabulary? Geez. If nothing else celebrate the fact that the days are no longer getting shorter, meaning that you won't feel as depressed because you'll get more sunlight. Wanna join our neighborhood snowball fight?
d.) OK, stay in your bunker. You scare me. Seriously, don't leave your house no matter what--I've heard that the Abomnible Snowman has a contract on you.
