Tuesday, August 02, 2005
My life as a zombie
Congratulate me! I became a menace to society today. I am now one of the living dead.
Oh, I didn’t bother to go the direct route. You know the one we’re all familiar with: dying, getting sprinkled with lots of mystical powders, then being raised from the grave to make an appearance in movies that pay homage to George Romero. I don’t even remember the “dying part”—I just couldn’t sleep for forty eight hours although I skipped all medication and/or caffeine that I’ve used in the past that are supposed to help regulate my sleep cycle.
So far, my experience as a zombie hasn’t been what I expected. Despite all predictions, I’ve so far felt no desire to eat any brains. Luckily, my husband hasn’t noticed any rotting smells from my direction, and the makeup mirror isn’t reflecting anything too menacing, so I may be able to contribute to society despite myself.
As a social scientist, I feel it is my duty to chronicle my experience as a zombie. In the interest of enlarging knowledge of the subjective experience of zombiehood, here goes:
1.) Everything gets more surreal than usual: all those things you took for granted? Did you realize how incredibly weird they really were? For example, have you ever thought about how odd televisions were? They’re everywhere—they even have one in the building I teach in. Once you notice televisions, have you ever noticed how slackjawed watchers appear in front of the set? Doesn’t it make you wonder if I’m not the only zombie running around? What is the deal with commercials, anyway? We know they’re trying to sell us something and we have resistance to them, yet they’re ubiquitous. Imagine being an alien who picks up a television feed and sees a commercial. What is this alien supposed to deduce about modern human existence?
2.) You ever notice that in zombie films most zombies just seem to be bleating, whereas the mortal characters have deep thoughts? Lately, I’ve noticed it is the other way around.
3.) Is it my imagination, or is everything just really unbelievably funny? Why can’t I stop laughing hysterically?
4.) How do I stay upright?
Oh, I didn’t bother to go the direct route. You know the one we’re all familiar with: dying, getting sprinkled with lots of mystical powders, then being raised from the grave to make an appearance in movies that pay homage to George Romero. I don’t even remember the “dying part”—I just couldn’t sleep for forty eight hours although I skipped all medication and/or caffeine that I’ve used in the past that are supposed to help regulate my sleep cycle.
So far, my experience as a zombie hasn’t been what I expected. Despite all predictions, I’ve so far felt no desire to eat any brains. Luckily, my husband hasn’t noticed any rotting smells from my direction, and the makeup mirror isn’t reflecting anything too menacing, so I may be able to contribute to society despite myself.
As a social scientist, I feel it is my duty to chronicle my experience as a zombie. In the interest of enlarging knowledge of the subjective experience of zombiehood, here goes:
1.) Everything gets more surreal than usual: all those things you took for granted? Did you realize how incredibly weird they really were? For example, have you ever thought about how odd televisions were? They’re everywhere—they even have one in the building I teach in. Once you notice televisions, have you ever noticed how slackjawed watchers appear in front of the set? Doesn’t it make you wonder if I’m not the only zombie running around? What is the deal with commercials, anyway? We know they’re trying to sell us something and we have resistance to them, yet they’re ubiquitous. Imagine being an alien who picks up a television feed and sees a commercial. What is this alien supposed to deduce about modern human existence?
2.) You ever notice that in zombie films most zombies just seem to be bleating, whereas the mortal characters have deep thoughts? Lately, I’ve noticed it is the other way around.
3.) Is it my imagination, or is everything just really unbelievably funny? Why can’t I stop laughing hysterically?
4.) How do I stay upright?
Comments:
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Oh NO! Magdalen's zombie ritual actually WORKED on you??? Let me know when we have to start picking up sweetbreads for you at the exotic food market.
Finally, someone I know who might actually eat hufu! Let me know how it tastes and if it's at all brain flavored.
Knowing a zombie will be good research for the zombie movie set in Amish country that I'm writing...
Knowing a zombie will be good research for the zombie movie set in Amish country that I'm writing...
Hey! This is a comment you should have heard earlier, but why don't you write this puppy during the nanowrite challenge? We can compare our mistakes in a "dandelion group" (it's getting colder, I'll be driving up more often for Socrates cafe, etc.:)
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