Monday, September 12, 2005
Episode Two of "When Butterflies Attack"--the "Butterfly Menace"
Hordes of people gathered around the Arboretum, who denied responsibility for little Timmy's horrible death.
"We have signs up for a reason, people," a park ranger said.
That was enough to stir certain folks who had come to visit from Kentucky into action. The rushed the butterfly house with a variety of weapons, many of which they swore were "hunting rifles" although I thought they looked a little complicated for that.
These men--referring to themselves as "the Kentucky Calvary"--were bright and cheery in their camoflaged Kevlar. They charged the house, and suddenly the house was filled with sound and fury.
Screaming was heard.
The emergency squad, which had been called after the cops fell over from laughing at the whole mess, went to clean up the carnage. Instead of shooting any flesh eating butterflies, the Kentucky Calvary managed to shoot each other instead. Since they were wearing Kevlar, they didn't kill themselves but instead admitted to this reporter that they felt "like real dumbasses. Those little buggers are hard to aim at."
"The worst thing is that I lost my hat," a calvaryman who was wearing a baseball cap with artifical breasts and two straws attached to his favorite cans of beer on the side of the cap. "Man, I loved that thing." The man had tears in his eyes. Apparently, the "courage session" in which the calvary had drunk large quantities of Kentucky bourbon and beer had not only managed to elicit courage but had interfered with their shooting abilities as well.
What shall we do? Wherever can we go? The calvary has failed us!
"We have signs up for a reason, people," a park ranger said.
That was enough to stir certain folks who had come to visit from Kentucky into action. The rushed the butterfly house with a variety of weapons, many of which they swore were "hunting rifles" although I thought they looked a little complicated for that.
These men--referring to themselves as "the Kentucky Calvary"--were bright and cheery in their camoflaged Kevlar. They charged the house, and suddenly the house was filled with sound and fury.
Screaming was heard.
The emergency squad, which had been called after the cops fell over from laughing at the whole mess, went to clean up the carnage. Instead of shooting any flesh eating butterflies, the Kentucky Calvary managed to shoot each other instead. Since they were wearing Kevlar, they didn't kill themselves but instead admitted to this reporter that they felt "like real dumbasses. Those little buggers are hard to aim at."
"The worst thing is that I lost my hat," a calvaryman who was wearing a baseball cap with artifical breasts and two straws attached to his favorite cans of beer on the side of the cap. "Man, I loved that thing." The man had tears in his eyes. Apparently, the "courage session" in which the calvary had drunk large quantities of Kentucky bourbon and beer had not only managed to elicit courage but had interfered with their shooting abilities as well.
What shall we do? Wherever can we go? The calvary has failed us!
